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Lagdou Ruins 6

Most of the enemies on this level are labeled "Wall" or "Snag" and have glitched data.

Opening

(Lyon is escorted by Beran as he descends to the next floor.)
lyon
...All right. So you're the new guy who's going to talk to me.
Do you feel up to the task?
beran
Yes, Lord Lyon.
lyon
(smiles) Ahh, I have a good feeling about you already.
You're going to be way better than the other guy, I know it.
beran
(smiles) Thank you, Lord Lyon.
lyon
Very well... So, what's next?
(The camera moves to reveal another necromancer lying in wait.)
ruben
(grins) Ahh, so this is Grado!
I have been expecting you.
After all, I am the one who brought you here!
(Ruben warps in front of Lyon, but faceplants. He gets back up as if nothing happened.)
ruben
(grins) You see... I am the mastermind.
I am the one who made this entire reality!
I am your one true god. I am the creator!
lyon
...What?
beran
Be careful, Lord Lyon. He is the creator of the hack.
He can do anything.
ruben
Hahahahaha...
I am going to give you character development by making you sad.
lyon
Uh huh.
ruben
Cry me a river!
(Ruben warps away.)
ruben
(grins) Gehahahaha... I am a genius.
I have trapped A THIRD of their army in a room!
A room full of... GIANT SPIDERS!
I'm so proud of me.
Gwyllgi
Hey, uh...
Did you remember to swap their sharp claws with large talons?
ruben
(serious) Yes, I split the tier 3 claw weapons in two for zombies and spiders.
Just one more of my brilliant ideas.
Gwyllgi
...These spiders were there in the base game. They had sharp claws.
Did you give them weapons they can actually use...?
(Ruben huffs.)
ruben
Dammit! I can't believe this! Foiled again!
I can't edit it while the game is on...
(grins) Hahaha... No matter! I have another idea.
I've prepared the most epic ambush reinforcements!
Oh yeah. Let's see how they like this.
Gwyllgi
...Here's hoping those work properly, at least...

Conversations

Ruben

Ruben has unique combat quotes in the data, but they are unused in gameplay.

Combat

ruben
(grinning) How dreadful, war's horrors.
My shoes will never be the same.

...I always wanted to say that.
It's a reference, you see.
I have very good taste in references.
Perhaps the best taste there ever was.
Now... Who shall I destroy next?!

Combat w/ Selena

ruben
(grinning) I don't care what anyone says.
You're an okay villain. You have layers.
I mean, you're not as fun as Valter,
or as funny as Riev,
or as interesting as Caellach,
or as just generally awesome as Lyon,
but you do beat Glen! Woo!
selena
Can we fight already?

Combat w/ Riev

ruben
(grinning) Heh heh heh...
riev
Heh heh heh...
ruben
Heh heh heh...
Man, this is fun! Heh heh heh...
riev
It really is, is it not? Heh heh heh...

Combat w/ Carlyle

ruben
(grinning) Has anyone ever told you you look like Kevin Sorbo?
carlyle
Who?
ruben
Ahh, don't worry about it.

Combat w/ Caellach

caellach
Why did you have to send me back to Jehanna?
Seriously, why not send Valter that way?
Or Selena! Divide by good and bad generals, y'know?
ruben
Shut it. It was more interesting that way.
This is MY world! I can do anything I want!
caellach
Except design maps, apparently.
ruben
Okay that's it, you're going down.

Combat w/ Deathgoyle Valter

valter
(manic) I must thank you for what you did for me.
I love this form. It suits me so much better.
ruben
Glad you like it!
It was just one more of my great ideas.
valter
Let me reward you with a gruesome end.
ruben
Tch. You're so predictable.

Combat w/ Glen

ruben
(grinning) You know something, Glen? I'm impressed at myself.
I managed to write something half-decent with you.
You're such a giant bore, yet I fixed you.
I truly am the greatest writer to ever write.
glen
This really isn't as funny a bit as you think it is.
(Ruben fumes.)
ruben
(scowls) Silence!
The people will laugh at what I TELL them to laugh!

Defeat

ruben
How... dare you... You... You...!
Who's your favorite character?! I'm going to... I'm going to...!

Gyaaaah!

Ending

ruben
(grins) Hah hah hah hah hah! Fools!
You truly believe defeating the creator is that simple?!
Idiots! Morons! Poopyheads! Hah hah hah!
I am simply too good for you.
lyon
Look, just let me through, okay?
I'm sick and tired of this already. I just want to be done.
(Ruben balks.)
ruben
(frowns) P-Preposterous! After I so lovingly crafted this Postgame just for you!
What an ingrate you are, Lyon!
lyon
Why does everyone keep talking about this Postgame thing?
Am I supposed to know what a Postgame is?
ruben
(grins) Very well! No matter. I still have many dastardly tricks up my sleeve!
I shall now summon FIVE fan favorite characters of the hack,
and turn them against you!
(Ruben summons Bone, Zabba, Melina, Rennac, and Gheb.)
ruben
Attack, everyone! Defend your god!
bone
Are you kiddin' me?! You want me to fight the main guy?!
I can't fight so good! I have no strength!
My bones are brittle, see. Didn't get enough calcium as a kid.
ruben
(scowls) Useless nincompoop!
bone
W-What?!

T...That was not necessary... You coulda just told me to go away...
(eyes droop) Sniff... Sniff...

zabba
Insensitive bastard!
Bone is a very sensitive soul. How could you hurt him like this?!
You're a horrible person!
ruben
(grins) Well, yes. Couldn't you tell from this entire hack?
zabba
C'mon, Bone. It's all right.
You don't need to care what he thinks.
You're way better than him.
You should love yourself as much as we all love you!
bone
Sniff... Y-You mean that, Zabba? Wow...
(smiles) You're the bestest friend in the world!
ruben
(scowls) Hey! I heard that!
Him, better than me? Let me tell you what I think about that...
melina
Seriously, what kind of monster is mean to Bone? To Bone!
He's lovable and huggable. How could you be so awful?
You're heartless! What's next? Will you make me kill my own daughter?
ruben
Well, see...
rennac
Bone is friend shaped.
Everyone loves him. No one's gonna take your side against him!
ruben
D...Dammit!
(Ruben huffs.)
ruben
(grins) Well, I still have one, and he's certain to take my side!
You there, fight!
gheb
Yeah, no. I'm not helping someone who's a jerk to Bone.
ruben
(scowls) Okay, this is ridiculous.
lyon
...Can I go now?
(Ruben tantrums.)
ruben
Fine! Then you know what I'm gonna do?

(grins) I'm gonna glitch out the game!

(The graphics become distorted.)
lyon
...So, are you happy now?
ruben
Eh, it's all right.
I'm gonna go write an angry rant about Three Houses online.
lyon
You do that.

Character Descriptions

Ruben
The extremely evil creator of the hack. He hates anime and happiness.

Monster
A grotesque creature created by magic and born in darkness.