Lagdou Ruins 5

The characters in this level are a reference to Vandal Hearts 2.

Opening

(Lyon and Novala find a wyvern knight waiting for them on the next floor.)

pike

Gahh... All right. Let's get this over with.

lyon

At least up to this point they looked like they belonged here.

pike

Oh, so since I'm bald I don't deserve to live, huh?

lyon

That's not what I meant and you know it.
What are those... things on your eyes?

pike

Sunglasses. You might know them if you had any sense of fashion.

lyon

Hey, how dare you! I love my cape.
I twirl it every time I attack.
I don't even have a reason, I just do it 'cause it's cool.

pike

You wouldn't know cool if it kicked you in the balls.

lyon

Ah, profanity. Now that's very funny.
Are we going to go for an F-bomb for good measure?

novala

Fuck.

lyon

Awesome. This is a really worthwhile use of my time.

pike

Welcome to my world.
Look, the sooner we tussle, the sooner we can all get outta here.
So let's just go, eh?

lyon

Finally, someone with a sense of urgency.

novala

He is a fearsome foe indeed.
Who knows what tricks he has up his sleeve!
Maybe he's using a weapon he shouldn't be able to!
Be wary around such a crafty opponent, my lord!

[Pike uses a Recurve Bow, which is normally exclusive to archers and snipers.]

lyon

...You know what? I'm sick of hearing your voice.
You haven't said a single interesting thing since we started.
It's time to get a new sidekick.

(Novala balks.)

novala

WHAT?! You wouldn't dare!

lyon

Watch me.

novala

No! No...! Don't do this!

(Novala flounders impotently.)

Damn yooooooouuuuuuu!!!!

(Lyon warps Novala out of the map.)

pike

Thank you, man.
All right, let's get cracking.

lyon

My thoughts exactly.

Conversations

Pike

Combat

pike

Your crass religious views disgust me, you atheist.
...That line's not even mine, but he made me say it.
What a pain in the butt this whole thing is...

Defeat

pike

Aiyayayayayie!
I can't take any more of this! I'm dropping back for a smoke.

Ending

pike

All right, that's all done. Thank goodness...

Say, who're you lot, anyway?

mcgregor

We are the bald characters in the hack.
You can't see it but I'm bald under the hood, trust me.

mansel

I'm not sure. I want to say I'm not bald, but...
It's kind of dangling on the line.

zonta

It was revealed that my hair is a wig in one of my special convos.
Me and Tirado. God rest his soul...

o'neill

He was bald too, Tirado?

What? Why did you think I wear the helmet, huh?

pike

Right, so it's all one big ol' bald reunion.
And that's supposed to be funny, somehow.

tiffani

(grins) Heehee, doing this gag was quite the...
BALD move!

pike

Great, and now I have to endure children making fun of me.
I don't get paid enough for this.

tiffani

(serious) How much are you getting paid?

pike

I'm getting paid in exposure.
I desperately need it. Only four people remember Vandal Hearts 2.

(Tiffani laughs.)

tiffani

(grins) Pfffft! So you're not getting paid at all?
Loooooooooser!

pike

Yeah, I'm a loser! So what?!

(Tiffani runs rings around Pike until he cries out and dies.)

lyon

...Seriously, who's coming up with all this nonsense?

Character Descriptions

Pike
"You're not a skinhead, you're just bald!" - Actual line from this guy's game.

WNSoldier
An army from another universe that's here for no reason.

Hunter
One of the treasure hunters who have laid claim to this region.