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Chapter 11: Hostile Hosts

Opening

narrator
Oh, Sundown Bay, never have I seen a greater nest of vermin and miscreants!
Its golden fields lure innocent traders such as myself with great promises.
Then they charge you an entrance fee, a right to do business fee, a road fee,
an escort road fee, a protection fee,
might as well combine them into a right to breathe fee and get it over with!
Of course I refused to give in to their demands. They came in the night,
masquerading as pirates.

-Memoirs of Tasel, How I became the greatest merchant in the world

oriana
This is it. Sundown Bay, the Crescent's bread basket.
ellerie
I can't believe we're going on a detour to buy pastries.
mince
If we're going somewhere new and we don't check out the local delicacies, why bother?
ellerie
Because we're supposed to be doing our job?
oriana
There is more to these pastries. Acquiring these pastries will boost crew morale significantly, essential to performance.
mince
That's a more elegant way to phrase how much you want these pastries.
oriana
Believe me, Mince. The crew will have their morale boosted. You have my word.
mince
You're really pushing up my expectations.
If their taste doesn't make me ascend into the next realm, I'll be disappointed.
ellerie
Pastries are great and all, but that's a lot of smoke coming from town.
And I doubt that's all from the oven of your local baker.
oriana
There's someone coming along the road now. He doesn't look like a baker.
(A thug approaches.)
thug
Welcome to our town, travellers!
ellerie
What's going on back there?
thug
That's the... annual meat smoking competition. A great festival, we'd be excited to have you.
mince
A meat smoking festival? Tell me more.
thug
It's where we, um, enough of this farce, I got you now!

(He grabs Oriana.)

Make another move, and her head rolls!

ellerie
Now that we are at your mercy, who are you and who do you work for?
thug
The mighty Corsair Coven, of course!
Now, drop your weapons and your belongings, and step away slowly.
oriana
Is this enough?
ellerie
Doubt he has anything more meaningful to say.
(Oriana slips out of his grasp, moves behind him, and slits his throat.)
thug
Aaauugghh!
(The thug dies.)
oriana
What an unfortunate move on his part.
mince
He'd probably have better luck if he tried holding you hostage instead. Axes beat lances after all.
ellerie
Everyone knows that rumor was fabricated by the Axe Association to sell more axes.
So what is this Corsair Coven?
oriana
They're the deadliest band of pirates from Albatross Point, and- we went over this.
ellerie
It's been months since we passed there. Can't remember all the nobodies.
oriana
Most aren't tougher than the average, but they're led by the infamous Pirate Sages, exiled Oakhall mages who've turned to crime to continue their illicit projects.
I heard these Sages experiment on their own members with concerning results.
ellerie
Lindros has a bright future ahead of him.
Given who and what we've encountered, We can take on some pirates. The town will owe us quite the favor.
oriana
You can guess what I'm going to say.
What are we going to do, not help out and watch the village get pillaged?
mince
The pastries won't save themselves.
We've fought all kinds of people yet it still comes back to pirates.
oriana
Easier on the conscience, at least.
ellerie
Then it's settled. Let's go back and get the crew.
Chief Oren won't mind a slight delay in his escort service.
hagendire
As expected, these ants are no match for my brilliance. Sundown Bay will be mine!
fighter
You mean it will be the Cold Caller's. You're working on his behalf.
hagendire
To hell with the Cold Caller! I did all the hard work, I deserve the spoils.
mage
But-
hagendire
I am Hagendire, scion of House Hawk, descendant of the mighty hero Horn Hawkblade and I am of the bloodline of kings from the age of Gods!
How dare they rank me as 4th in the Pirate Sage Trio? Those peasants should worship the very ground I stand on, so unworthy is their weak bloodline!
Yet it is I who toil away as some common labourer, I who must offer up my rightfully earned loot? I will never forget such humiliation.
They will forever regret the day they dared to insult one of the Hawkblade bloodline, I swear it to my ancestors!
fighter
Yes milord.
Very true milord.
hagendire
In fact, I did so much hard work I'm going to have a nice nap right here.
(Hagendire leaves.)
fighter
Should we just kill him?
mage
The Cold Caller will have his head when we get back. No need to do the deed ourselves.
foodman
Take what you said back, if you value your life.
basil
Your pastries taste like the days old gunk on a poorly cleaned-

(Foodman strikes him.)

Oof!

foodman
Even now, this man dares to spew lies and attack the honor of the Cook Cabal!
basil
Elis will be my judge! You cannot obscure the truth!
foodman
Lads, how do you judge this man, one who insults our sacred recipes?
cook cabal 1
Only death is the rightful punishment for sacrilege!
cook cabal 2
Rip out his lying tongue!
foodman
The people have spoken. I'm a generous man, so I'll give you one more chance.
How were the pastries?
basil
Your pastries...
Errk. Taste like crap.
cook cabal 1
Death! Death!
cook cabal 2
Kill him now!
foodman
Death he will be given, but not a clean one! I'll remove each of his limbs at a time!
(The Corsair Coven and Rat Ring are in a standoff.)
corsair coven 1
So... You gonna go?
corsair coven 2
Nah, you first.
rat ring 1
Yeah, come closer!
rat ring 2
I've been meaning to test my new hammer!
corsair coven 1
You know, I just bought my armor. How about you go first?
corsair coven 2
Let's just wait for the other side to break through.
purgin' pam
Between our mighty trio, Freezin' Fred, Ballista Bob and of course me, Purgin' Pam,
the enemy won't stand a ghost of a chance! Wait, where's Ballista Bob? He's late!
enforcer
About that, he got his head smashed in by one of those Rat Ring. I'm his replacement.
purgin' pam
Not Bob! Never will the world again see such a fine shot. Well, go get the ballista ready!
enforcer
To tell the truth, I don't actually know how to use a ballista.
I only said I could so I could be sent to the backline.
purgin' pam
Great, so now we have a useless lump of wood here.

West House

big berd
Hmm, does this one feel more valuable? It's smoother, so I think that's better?
woman
Die, bandit!
(Big Berd startles.)
big berd
Aaaahhh!
(Big Berd runs.)
woman
Get back here you- Oooh, my knees aren't like they used to be.
(Big Berd runs out of the house and over to Locust, who is perched at the edge of town.)
locust
Big trouble, Berd. It's the Seahawks, again!
big berd
You've got to be joking. Let's leg it. Right now. This loot is slowing us down.
locust
I'll rather die than drop my loot. They'll never catch us!
ellerie
Well, this looks like a mess.
Engage standard protocol. Kill everyone that looks at us funny!
thyme
Reinforcements beneath the hill!
Hold on rats, this is our damn town and we're gonna hold it!

Turn 7

ellerie
Watch the top of the hill!
Looks like they're bringing in the heavy hitters to dislodge our allies.

New Guide Entries

Cook Cabal

The Cook Cabal is a recent cult formed from all sorts of odd folk looking for a greater purpose. While seemingly harmless, they

[The rest of the document is completely illegible.]

Conversations

Basil

speaker
Are you alright? Those pirates really did a number on you.
basil
I'll live, but pirates? What do you mean?
speaker
Huh? Then who did we fight just now?
basil
Unimportant. Let me get my books. I'll be with you in a moment.

Lindros & Thyme

lindros
Oh, by all that is good and gracious. No, not you.
thyme
Lindros! I haven't seen any of my Oakhall pals in years.
Shall we catch up over some fine wine at my residence?
lindros
Are you serious? Have you forgotten what you did to me?
thyme
Had I offended you in some manner?
It's been years, hard to recall.
But I apologize for anything my younger self had done.
lindros
Hard. To. Recall.
thyme
We were young and stupid.
We've all grown as people, moved on in life.
lindros
You befriended me for the sole purpose of stealing my research,
then framed me for stealing your research, and then tried to silence me!
thyme
Lindros. People are watching, not a good time to make a commotion.
We can perhaps discuss this some-
lindros
I ain't discussing crap with you.
You're the most vile kind of being there is, get away from me.
(Lindros storms off.)
thyme
... I'm going to break your face and your stupid glasses.

Quilan & Lance Lass

lance lass
You look familiar. Do I know you?
quilan
I know you. Of your ancestor, who hid rather than face the forces of Elis.
Of your great-great grandfather, who carved my appearance into stone.
Of your father, who was killed in front of my effigy over a bag of rice.
lance lass
You're... You've seen the struggles of my clan?
quilan
I have indeed heard all your prayers.
lance lass
Yet you did nothing? Nothing at all.
quilan
It was only the existence of a select few that allowed me to manifest, but I cannot do more than that.
lance lass
So those years of worship, that you would return to deliver us from our enemies.
You're telling me it was all for naught?
quilan
Yes. I am.
lance lass
That's cruel. Better to have broken our empty hope rather than have let it build.
quilan
I wish I could do anything more to reward your piety, but I can do only one thing.
Cease fighting against these adventurers I travel with, their victory is assured.
lance lass
What choice do I have but to believe you?
I wish to meet you again, to talk more with the being that defined so much of my life.
quilan
We will, I promise that.
(Quilan gains 5 HP. Lance Lass surrenders her weapon and becomes a neutral unit.)

Foodman

Combat

foodman
I'll turn you into mincemeat!

Combat w/ Basil

foodman
Getting back up? I'll just knock you back down.
basil
You must be so proud of jumping me in a dark alley.
Under fairer circumstances, you're in for a world of pain.
foodman
You're clearly of poor vision, not recognising a good recipe.
I have little to fear from you.
basil
I've also got a homemade recipe to show you too.
My fist, served with a side of your ruptured entrails.

Combat w/ Oriana

oriana
You're that chef I bought pastries from.
What is going on here?
foodman
Finally, deserved appreciation, unlike this blasphemer here.
We're executing him for his words against our sacred ways.
oriana
You're going to kill a man for... not enjoying your pastries?
foodman
There is no human in the world that wouldn't enjoy my pastries.
Therefore, he must be spewing lies and is worthy of death.
oriana
That seems like an overreaction.
foodman
An overreaction? Our way of life is threatened! He must die!
oriana
You're insane.

Combat w/ Mince

foodman
I'll turn you into mincemeat! Wait-
mince
Look who it is, the big man himself.
Bernado, the worst chef this side of the world.
foodman
It can't be! They said you were no more!
mince
The cabal would have hoped so.
foodman
I won't allow this! I will end your malevolent ways.
mince
Malevolent ways,
such as suggesting cabal recipes might be imperfect.
foodman
Blasphemy! Blasphemy! Do not speak anymore.
mince
You won't have to worry about hearing after I'm done.

Death

foodman
Dying with my honor blemished, it was a perfectly fine pastry.

Lance Lass

Combat

lance lass
What a world. From one low to another, will this be the last?

Combat w/ Acielle

acielle
Have no fear, citizens! I will deliver you from evil.
lance lass
Wait, wait! As a fellow member of the faith-
acielle
In the name of justice! Die villains!

Death

lance lass
So, my clan ends with me...

Hagendire

Combat

hagendire
Huh? All I did was take a nap,
how did you incompetent fools lose so quickly?

Combat w/ Ellerie

hagendire
Ellerie? How are you still around to haunt me?
ellerie
Now it makes sense how we're winning so easily, they have you in charge.
hagendire
You don't have the Princess and her goons to back you up.
ellerie
You're right. This time,
I only need to rely on stabbing you to death with a pointy stick.

Combat w/ Whipjack

hagendire
You! You! YOU!
It is you who reduced me to where I am now!
You, who I paid for my protection,
you, who made off with my gold,
you, who forced me into being a criminal to survive!
whipjack
Well- Um- No. I didn't.
hagendire
Ah, I see. I might have been wrong.
whipjack
Really?
hagendire
No.
whipjack
But all I did was pick up two coins you dropped...

Combat w/ Chixin

chixin
ANALYSING... POTENTIAL MATCH? ANALYSING...
hagendire
A magic talking sword, like the ones wielded by my ancestors!
Could this be the turning point of my miserable life?
chixin
This is absolutely not the one.
ABORT PROCESS. BEGIN EXTERMINATION PROTOCOL.

Defeat

hagendire
I surrender! I surrender! I'm not dying with these peasants!

Locations

Church

If Thyme is visiting

thyme
Stevie Quickhands, I know it was you. You sold us out!
stevie
N- N- No. Wasn't me, Boss. Wasn't me.
thyme
Your game is up, Quickhands. You were too slow this time,
the boys saw you heading out.
stevie
I was just using the restroom. It doesn't pr-
thyme
Your choice of justice. Fried or diced?
stevie
You can't kill me! It's unlawful, you have no proof!
thyme
Proof? Ha! I rule this town, you think I need proof? Time to die, Quickhands.
stevie
Eeeee!
(Stevie Quickhands runs out of the church and becomes an enemy unit.)

Default

stevie
Boss! It- it wasn't me! It- It-
Oh, you're not her.
Look, don't ask questions, just pretend you haven't seen me, and we're good.

West House

woman
Of course a blind man would take the least valuable thing in my house.
But he dares to steal from me! Me!
Take this, adventurers, and show them what happens when they steal from me!
Tear the skin from his flesh!
Rip his bones from their sockets!
Spread his entrails across the streets!
(The visitor receives a Killing Edge.)

East House

man
I am the master of weapons. Tell me, traveller, what is your favorite weapon?
I mean weapon, of course, none of that wishy-washy magic nonsense.

Sword

man
A sword! How cliche. You fancy yourself some kind of fancy lord?
Well, I'll tell you, you look real stupid swinging it.
(The visitor receives a Swordreaver.)

Lance

man
Ha! Any fool can point ahead with a wooden pole. It's for talentless hacks.
(The visitor receives a Lancereaver.)

Axe

man
An axe? You think a tool for chopping wood counts as a weapon? Get outta here!
(The visitor receives an Axereaver.)

Bow

man
How does it feel being made obsolete by magic? Not good I bet! Hahaha!
(The visitor receives a Wind tome.)

Ruined House South

narrator
An assortment of personal items, including a diary. Its pages describe various mundane matters such as;
bitterness against rival tomato farmers, complaints regarding Irinde's quality of cooking and his hatred for humanity.

Part of Potato's possessions found.

Ruined House North

narrator
A collection of various texts which contain information about rituals to improve quality and quantity of crops.
Seems to require various unpleasant conditions such as ritual killings, soul sacrifice and [ILLEGIBLE].

Part of Potato's possessions found.

Ending

If Thyme survived

(A few surviving goons run to the edge of the city.)
thug 1
I thought they made up all that crap about the Seahawks. They're monsters!
thug 2
Let's get back to the boats while they're busy stabbing Hagendire. He won't be missed.
(The Rat Ring and Seahawks surround them.)
thug
We surrender!
thyme
Declined.
(Thyme kills two of the thugs; the lone survivor flees. Civilians come out of their homes to gawk.)
thyme
(grins) Witness how your heroic Mayor and her loyal Rats drove off this invasion!
Without us, these villains would have burned your fields, eaten your cattle and made off with your gold!
Remember, it is only due to our efforts that Sundown Bay enjoys the peace and prosperity that we have today!
crowd
Rat Ring!

Long live the Mayor!

Rats are unstoppable!

man
Why couldn't the Seahawks have done a complete job and finished off the Rats too?
young woman
Be quiet! If any Rats hear there'll be trouble.
woman
At least the pirates are honest about their intent to rob us.
man
Meanwhile, these Rats are siphoning away our lifeblood,
and still have the gall to claim they only want what's best.
woman
I wish the pirates won. How long must these days go on?
mince
If only we'd been there to help. Glad our services weren't needed.
ellerie
I've taken credit for others' work before, but never this blatantly.
thyme
Don't be too mad, adventurers. A mayor needs to keep up appearances.
ellerie
All's good if you give us the goods in return for our efforts.
thyme
Of course, I'm a woman of honor after all. First, let us retire to my humble dwelling.
We can talk this over some good wine and the Bay's finest pastries.
ellerie
Of course. I'd be honoured.
thyme
Splendid! I've even invited an unexpected guest over,
I'm sure we'd both be interested in what he has to say.
(Thyme leaves.)
mince
Do you really think this is a meal offer you can afford to take?
ellerie
If anything happens, order the Seahawk II to blast these rats into oblivion.
mince
Then bring some pastries back for me.

Jail

(Thyme leads Ellerie to Hagendire's cell.)
ellerie
(smiles) I must say, those pastries were marvelous. It was almost as good of a feeling as seeing this scumbag get beaten up and imprisoned.
hagendire
Ellerie! Do you have anything meaningful to say or are you just here to mock me?
ellerie
(frowns) The latter. How has your career been since your exile?
hagendire
You're one to talk. I heard how Maurice utterly destroyed your forces.
thyme
Old friend of yours?
ellerie
A rival from my days on the Mainland.
He was exiled for redistributing royal funds under his management to his own mansion.
hagendire
Evidence you falsified so you can take my position!
ellerie
I apologize that I was unable to make it an execution.
thyme
No worries, Good Captain. A mistake we can rectify.
I plan to hold a festival in honour of my victory-
ellerie
...
thyme
Our victory, and a nice execution always does wonders for entertainment.
ellerie
I can't say I see the appeal, but perhaps the Crescent has different tastes.
hagendire
Wait, please! You can't kill me! I have important information!
thyme
Oh? Are you interested?
ellerie
I don't imagine a common pirate has anything interesting to say.
I must take my leave now. Your hospitality has been a delight.
hagendire
Laugh while you still can, Ellerie!
All three Pirates Sages are launching a full out assault on Irinde.
Soon you'll have no home to return to, you traitorous bastard!
thyme
Oh? I think you might find this interesting after all.
ellerie
Tell me everything, Hagendire, and I may spare your miserable life.
hagendire
If you want this, then-
ellerie
I don't have time for this. Mayor Thyme, do you have any interrogators on hand?
thyme
Any good leader does.
hagendire
I'll talk!
ellerie
That was easy. Didn't even need to see the tools.
hagendire
The Pirate Sages want to steal the project Archsage Nerysa is working on, and the Saltsworn wants revenge on Oren.
Both want to plunder Irinde of all its worth.
ellerie
The Saltsworn, again? I heard the Carrion Crows had pushed them out of Enan.
thyme
I had promised to repay you in gold, but perhaps there is an alternative.
You sound like you need the help.
ellerie
Certainly. How many men can you send?
thyme
A few. Even better, I will come personally.
How dare these Pirate Sages think some pitiful mook would be enough to take me?
I will give them a piece of my mind!
ellerie
(A pitiful mook was all it took to have you on the ropes.)
We will be honored to have your help. We must depart immediately!
hagendire
Don't leave me here!
ellerie
I'll take this scoundrel as well. I'll get more use out of him dead than alive.
thyme
I'll have to schedule a replacement then.

If Thyme died

(After the Seahawks secure the town, civilians come out of their homes.)
crowd
Seahawks! Seahawks!

The Bay is saved!

What a glorious day!

woman
(smiles) Thank you, adventurers!
ellerie
We weren't able to save the Mayor.
woman
(scowls) And good riddance! Her foul miasma has finally lifted over this town.
ellerie
I see?
woman
And you drove off those pirates afterwards. Two problems solved in a single day!
ellerie
It is what adventurers would do. We'd like some reward for our efforts, though.
woman
Of course, we'll repay you with our finest produce!
mince
Pastries, right?
woman
You got it. We'll give you the Bay special.
ellerie
I don't suppose you've got... any other kind of reward?
mince
What are you on about, Captain? We're getting what we came here for.
woman
This man understands. There's no greater reward than one of our finest pastries.
ellerie
I'm glad you're happy, Mince.
(Ellerie receives a Pain Pastry.)

Jail

ellerie
Some things never change, Hagendire. Me outside a cell and you inside it.
hagendire
We both know you framed me. You wanted my position!
ellerie
I just sped up the process. You probably would have been convicted anyways.
hagendire
What do you want, Ellerie?
ellerie
I just wanted to laugh at you.
hagendire
I have certain information that you might find less than funny.
ellerie
I'll be the judge of that.
hagendire
On the condition that you must let me go.
ellerie
I'm not sure I have permission. It's the villagers who imprisoned you.
I'm sure they'll treat you kindly.
hagendire
That's horsecrap. My condition, or nothing.
ellerie
You really overestimate how much I care about anything you have to say.
(Ellerie leaves.)
hagendire
You wouldn't- Ellerie, ELLERIE!
(Ellerie returns.)
ellerie
One more chance, Hagen. I'm doing this for you.
hagendire
The Corsair Coven and Enan are working together to invade Irinde as we speak!
ellerie
... Is this true?
hagendire
Why would none of the Pirate Sages show up personally for this incursion if they weren't present at a more important event?
ellerie
That is indeed rather concerning.
hagendire
Now, you promised!
ellerie
I promised nothing, but I figure you'll be of more use alive than dead.
oriana
I wanted a boring and uneventful journey. We've barely left town and that's over.
tower
You were an idiot for hoping.
oriana
Don't rub it in.
ellerie
It's about to get more eventful.
The pirate leader we caught claims that the rest of the Corsair Coven, working alongside the Saltsworn, are invading Irinde.
tower
Taking advantage of both Oren's and our absence. Good timing.
oriana
Then we must return at once! Irinde has been great to us.
ellerie
You don't need to convince me of that. We're not losing the base we just set up.
tower
The Coven, huh?
Their heretical experiments have gone on for too long.
They have some nasty tricks up their sleeve.
ellerie
We saw how some of their troops needed to be killed twice. Any other secrets you know?
tower
The Pirate Sage Wheelhouse is said to regenerate near instantly from any wound.
Another one, Loquat, is said to live as two halves which can revive each other.
ellerie
Noted. Slightly harder to keep dead.
tower
The last and most powerful is the Cold Caller. He rarely shows his hand, so few know the extent of his power.
ellerie
If not much is known, how did people conclude he was the most powerful?
oriana
Because he's mysterious.
Safer to assume the worst.
ellerie
Hopefully his skills are just calling down snowflakes or something.
We'll depart immediately. Chief Oren is on his own.
oriana
I'm sure he'll value us saving his town over giving him a ride.
tower
For once, I'm looking forward to staining my axe.

Character Descriptions

Basil
A wandering pilgrim turned amateur food critic. Holds controversial opinions on cheese and has a morose air about him.

Thyme
The boss of a local crime gang and the acting mayor of Sundown Bay. The former might have led to the latter.

Rat Ring
A group of thieves and criminals acting as the Mayor's enforcers. They may have “encouraged” the Mayor's votes.

Hagendire
An exiled noble and a co-worker of mine. Incompetent at everything, yet still thinks highly of himself.

Lance Lass
A young lass with a mysterious past, hiding her name and identity. No one will find out due to her death.

Zombetty
Enjoys playing fetch and the screams of the mortally wounded.

Soul Splice
Some kind of bizarre abomination that could have only been made by a brilliant mind.

Corsair Coven
Lackeys of the Pirate Sages that raid coastal trade for both riches and for materials used in wicked research.

Sky Scoundrel
As it turns out, aerial piracy is actually a great idea. Provided one actually makes enough to feed a wyvern.

Street Shark
A group of friends with big dreams which have fallen in with a bad crowd. None of them swim much.

Foodman
Appears to be responsible for food. His nickname says a lot about the state of education on the Crescent.

Cook Cabal
What started off as a passionate group of cooks turned into a cult looking for immortality through the perfect dish.

Big Berd
An incredibly large fellow, who must have spent a fortune on red paint. Can't hit the broad side of a barn.

Locust
I could've sworn there was someone standing right here. Maybe I didn't get enough sleep.

Loot
Just gonna yoink this while no one's looking. Or smash it.