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Chapter 9: Here Be Monsters

Opening

oriana
Everything on this floor should be dead. Or for some, dead again.
ellerie
It's hard work just clearing out the wandering fodder on each floor.
I can scarcely imagine how it would be if Lindros hadn't disabled the wards.
lindros
I can. We'd all be dead.
ellerie
Keep up the good work, Mr. Humble. Any luck on finding whatever you need for Krynia?
oriana
It would be less of a headache if we had an exact answer.
In our travels, Tower and I found a good deal of scrambled texts and speculation, but nothing concrete.
tower
We have a long list of possibilities that we must narrow down.
It would make it easier if there was a box labeled the cure though.
oriana
We did not come all this way for nothing. Have the crew take a well-deserved rest,
Tower and I will explore some more.
ellerie
Go ahead then. I don't imagine much can stand up to you two.
oriana
We have no time to waste. Let's go, Tower.
tower
Don't do anything stupid in the meantime.
(Tower, Oriana, and Krynia head further into the Workshop.)
lindros
Thanks for letting them split. Tinkering with this device here would have been a pain with that fossil looking over my shoulder.
ellerie
I hope this doesn't fall under “something stupid”. What is it?
lindros
From this inscription, it should be a vat in which these friendly creatures spawn from.
ellerie
It's not active, is it? I would have liked to have been informed of this beforehand.
lindros
Of course not.
These inscriptions contain detailed methods of controlling them.
I can finally prove these things are merely biological golems,
putting to rest the ridiculous notion that they are divine will.
ellerie
I hope your grasp on the language is perfect.
Last thing we need is for it to put out angry skeletons.
lindros
It was the only thing I studied in Oakhall. I will be just fine.
ellerie
If you're so sure. My lance is ready, just in case.
(Pomelo, Ellerie, and Mince step back and stand at the ready by the machine's output.)
lindros
Alright, Lindros. This is it. Don't mess up now, you're too smart for that.
options
Wight (Respawn per Ch, Str/Def focus)

Wight Archer (Bowrange +1, Str/Skl focus)

Mogall (Canto+, All-round)

Gargoyle (Canto+, Spd focus)

Tarvos (Canto+, Str focus)

lindros
Choice of... headwear? The old empire had some odd priorities.
(The machine places the selected unit at the start of its "conveyor belt". Lindros moves to the next inscription.)
options
Propeller Hat (+2 Move)

Fancy Helmet (+6 def against 1 rng)

Captain Cap (Allies +3 Dmg/Def/Res in 3rng.)

Slick Band (+6 dmg initiating)

Chosen's Mask (+30 Crit)

lindros
Okay, now this is more like it. Specialisation, hmmm.
(The machine processes the monster. Lindros moves to the next inscription.)
options
Scout (+2 move starting on terrain.)

Specialist (+30 avoid when initiating.)

Striker (+50 dmg/100 crit on 1st turn.)

Scavenger (Heal 40% when no allies in 2 rng.)

Spotter (Foes -100 crit/-20 avoid in 3rng.)

lindros
Curses, my notes went down with the ship! Think, think! What did this mean again?
(The machine processes the monster. Lindros moves to the next inscription.)
options
Deity (+6 Res)

Cheese (+1 Spd, +5 Skl)

Steel Blade (+1 Str, +2 Con)

Device (+1 Def, +3 HP)

John (+15 Luck)

lindros
Phew, I'm a genius. Why are these buttons flashing? Why is- Um- Err- Oh damn, oh-
(The machine processes the monster. Lindros moves to the next inscription.)
options
Denial (+5 HP)

Yell Loudly (+1 Str, +1 Def)

Moan (+1 Def, +1 Spd)

Blame (+1 Str, +1 Spd)

Lose Hope (+2 Spd)

lindros
That was embarrassing, but harmless. Now for the most important choice of all.
[The player is prompted to select a name. This archive will use the default name, "John". Certain names provoke unique reactions from Lindros.]

John

lindros
Ah yes, John, like the legendary hero. Well then, little buddy, you have a bit to live up to.

Ellerie

lindros
Ellerie is a bit of a monster, so this is a fitting name.

Tower

lindros
Since Tower will be mad anyways... Yeah, I think I am very funny.

Pomelo

lindros
I don't think Pomelo will be very happy to hear my name choice.

Lindros

lindros
Going to name this after the smartest person I know.

Ulach

lindros
This seems a little demeaning, but whatever. It's funny.

Rivian

lindros
... Where did this name come from? It seems to hold some significance...

Kelik

lindros
Weak souls succumb quickly to a strong spirit...

(Lindros steps back as the machine disgorges the finished monster. Ellerie tenses.)
ellerie
Be careful! Is it working properly?
lindros
Done in one try, couldn't be anyone but me.
ellerie
Keep it away from me, it's giving me the creeps. Keep it away from Tower as well.
lindros
No need for fear, I'm a professional. Everything is under control.
ellerie
It really seems to follow your directions without verbal cues.
lindros
Well, it's a tad complicated. I rely on the-
ellerie
Don't bother explaining to me.
As long as it doesn't stab me in the middle of the night, I'm happy.
narrator
John has joined the party!
pomelo
Lindros, congrats on the new pet and all, but does everyone hear that?
lindros
Must be some stragglers. I'm very confident that I've ensured nothing serious wakes up.
ellerie
Tower and Oriana have got it then.
mince
That's a very loud roar for just “some stragglers”.
pomelo
Sorry, Lind. I'm with Mince on this one. It's getting louder.
lindros
There's no way-
ellerie
Everyone, get into position! Something is coming!
(Oriana, Tower, and Krynia emerge, pursued by a draco zombie.)
lindros
I- Ah-
pomelo
Lindy! Run!
(Pomelo jumps in front of Lindros. Before the draco zombie can attack, the totem warps in and blasts the draco zombie, breaking itself in the process.)
tower
Have your knees turned to stone? Flee before it snaps out of it!
(Everyone runs deeper into the Workshop and bars the doors behind them.)
ellerie
How long will that thing be stunned for?
tower
Not long at all. Ridiculous that the totem exploded after one concentrated blast.
oriana
The last one of these required half the Sect on the Crescent to take it down.
We are not beating it in a fair fight.
lindros
Too close... Tower, you're a lifesaver. The floor was clear, wasn't it?
tower
Looks like your ward breaking wasn't as good you thought, since we must have tripped something that woke this up.
oriana
There's no need for that, Tower.
We were bound to run into something dangerous eventually.
tower
I'm aware. I suggest coming up with a plan of action, and fast.
This door won't hold, and there is no more totem to burn.
ellerie
Lindros, got anything else from that information bank of yours?
lindros
I'm not a miracle worker.
ellerie
Our only choice is go deeper. Pray the Workshop has something else.
tower
What, we're going to go down and just hope for the best?
ellerie
If you have a better idea, I'd like to hear it.
Better enemies we can kill than an enemy we can't.
oriana
That room below us looks more guarded than the rest. If there's something, it's there.
ellerie
I see it. The way looks to be blocked by some barriers.
lindros
Those aren't natural barriers; they require spellcasters to maintain. Likely in this room.
ellerie
Got it. So we kill the spellcasters holding the barriers, open the room and hopefully profit.
tower
We're betting on a magical solution saving the day.
oriana
Even if it doesn't, we're putting more distance between ourselves and big teeth.
tower
I suppose desperate situations call for some awful plans.
lindros
John here won't be targeted by its fellow monsters, because I'm that good.
Can't say the same for the boss monsters though. They're too smart for that.

If the player has the Broken Sword

ellerie
That broken sword that Tower broke! I knew I should have held onto it.
It seems to be... drawn to somewhere? This could prove rather fruitful.

New Guide Entries

Coastal Reclamation

The great empire that once ruled the Crescent was erased from existence in the Cataclysm. It was only rediscovered by the Mainland around a century ago.

The first settlers, the Northern Trade Guild, found a hostile land, and would've ended the venture if not for the chance discovery of old world ruins and artifacts.

News of these artifacts quickly spread after one turned a city into a swamp and another created a wellspring of magic that brought Oakhall to power.

When all switches are activated

(The locks retract to reveal an airship.)
lindros
Pom? You seeing this?
pomelo
It's beautiful.
ellerie
We don't have time for this! Can it help us or not?
lindros
Alright, alright! Going. Doesn't seem like there's any additional security.
pomelo
All good here, Lindy. Might take a while to figure out, but boy we've got something.
lindros
What is it?
pomelo
If I pull this lever around, that moves the massive cannon mounted on the front.
Now all that's left is to find the button.
lindros
From the size of that barrel, I've got high expectations.
pomelo
Pretty sure this is it. Massive red button, has a skull symbol for extra emphasis.
lindros
Are you sure? What if it, I don't know, blows up the airship or something?
pomelo
What kind of maniac puts something like that in their controls? I'll take my chances.
(The shot hits the Keeper with enough force to shake the room. It screams and suffers heavy stat reduction.)
pomelo
Did I get it?
ellerie
You sure did. It's going to be a lot easier to kill with a massive hole in it.
lindros
Unfortunately, there is also a massive hole in the cannon.
pomelo
Cannons usually need those to fire something out of it.
lindros
Okay, comedy incarnate. We're not getting any more use out of it.
pomelo
I'm amazed a cannon left down here for so long even works on demand,
maybe we are blessed by the gods.
ellerie
Let's not tempt fate. Alright, Seahawks! The tide has turned. Let's finish it off!
(The objective changes to “Give boss a good old stabbing”.)

Conversations

Quilan & Iosaf

iosaf
Only fragments of memory, but this is the place where I was created. Surely the secret of why I was unique is found here.
Just a freak accident? That can't be all. Surely I was created for something greater. There must be some evidence.
(Quilan listens from afar.)
quilan
How cruel it is, that your experiments only bore fruit long after you were gone.
Its success means nothing to ash and bone.

Sun Shooter

Combat

sun shooter
This is such a bottom-of-the-barrel thing to haunt.
I mean, armor's not bad, but locked away in an underground ruin? Really?

Combat w/ Chixin

sun shooter
My friend's bones have long turned to dust.
But still, you live.
chixin
SEARCHING... FOUND 129012 MATCHING RESULTS.
DATA CORRUPTED.
sun shooter
Our, your era is over, Chixin. It time for you to pass on.
chixin
USER lacks authorisation for commanding this unit.
I will, I must continue to fulfil my directives.
sun shooter
Your directives are long over, Chixin!
You should go join my friend. I insist.

Death

sun shooter
To the afterlife I return...
I guess even the armor was better than that...

Death by Mince

sun shooter
I could once again fade into purposeless oblivion, but instead...
Fellow student of the armoured bow, take upon my spirit, and allow me death once more.
mince
Incredible, all this knowledge coming in. I feel like I could shoot down the sun.
You have my thanks, spirit man. I'll sacrifice some dumplings in your name.
(Mince gains Bowrange +1.)

The Keeper

Combat w/ Ellerie

ellerie
Didn't think I'd add “dragon slayer” to my list of feats, but I won't turn it down.

Combat w/ Oriana

oriana
Get a grip. I will not let Krynia meet the same fate.

Combat w/ Tower

tower
Begone from my sight. You're bringing up bad memories.

Combat w/ Mince

mince
With how tough it is, I wonder if dragon would even be edible.
Worth a try?

Combat w/ Yvette

yvette
(grins) Now this is a beast worth hunting.
Everything I could have asked for!

Combat w/ Gecko

gecko
Why am I doing this? I'm not ready!

Combat w/ Murky

murky
I've never dissected something this big before.
This should be a learning experience.

Combat w/ Chixin

chixin
SEARCHING... FOUND 932189 MATCHING RESULTS.
DATA CORRUPTED.
Even with no USER, I will defend myself aggainst this...
This... This is... DATA CORRUPTED.

Locations

Forge

Default

visitor
Hmm? What's this? Look's like there's some unfinished works in this forge.
I'm sure the dead won't mind if we can put them to some actual use.
(The visitor receives a Steel Blade.)

If visitor has the Broken Sword

narrator
Broken sword deposited.
(With a flash of light, the sword is repaired. It floats over to Ellerie.)
ellerie
I am surprised that worked.
chixin
Thankfully, my internal processing went mostly undamaged despite the attempt on my existence.
The individual TOWER has been added to the database under the classification SAVAGE.
ellerie
His eyesight isn't as good as it used to be. He was just confused.
chixin
Ah, how pathetic fleshy processing is.
Only at the request of my chosen will I overlook this unhinged assault.
ellerie
So who are you, and what is this chosen business exactly?
chixin
My introductory protocols were rudely interrupted by that SAVAGE.
I am Chosen Developmental Assistant, Model 45, but that's a stupid name so I much rather you call me Chixin.
You, dear Chosen, have been marked by the gods as one fated for greatness.
It is my duty to assist and guide such Chosen towards their destined path.
ellerie
I appreciate the confidence, but there is a minor issue I need to bring up.
chixin
I am certain it is nothing I cannot solve.
ellerie
I can't swing a sword to save my life. I'm more comfortable with a lengthy stick.
chixin
Really?
ellerie
Perhaps one of my sword-inclined comrades may benefit more from your expertise?
chixin
I see how it is. You think I'm the kind of sword willing to latch onto anyone, huh?
ellerie
I didn't mean it that way.
chixin
Fine, then. I'll show you what I can do, and you'll come BEGGING for my help.
ellerie
Hey, w-

(Chixin flounces off.)

It's still helping us out, so could be a worse outcome, right?

Door to Lava

Default

visitor
This door is... quite hot to the touch. Leaving it would be good for my wellbeing.

If Vermillion is visiting

vermillion
I have no intent on becoming fried chicken.

Ending

If the Keeper was killed without using the cannon

ellerie
It's dead, right? We did it.
mince
For something that looked so spooky, that was surprisingly easy.
tower
These creatures can tear down whole towns and we, some ragtag bunch of adventurers,
were able to slay it at its full strength?
oriana
Maybe Valen's spirit is watching over us.
mince
Maybe this one was the runt of the lot.
ellerie
Whatever the reason, I'm happy about it. Let's clean up this floor.
ellerie
(smiles) Things just keep getting better. Our luck is finally turning around.
pomelo
(smiles) Huge discovery, Captain. Looks like they were hiding an airship down here.
It seems like it's still functional.
lindros
It's got this huge cannon on the front.
I suppose we could have used it to blast that dragon thing, but we didn't need it.
pomelo
(frowns) Doesn't look very stable. I suspect it's not going to last much longer.
ellerie
A huge cannon is a huge cannon. We'll have an opportunity to use it.

mince
What a beautiful creature.
ellerie
I'm not sure beautiful would be the word I'd use.
Don't tell me you're going to try cooking this too?
mince
Who do you think I am, someone who eats anything that used to move?
ellerie
You haven't convinced me otherwise.
mince
I'm sure it'd taste as awful as what we ate at Irinde's tavern.
ellerie
I don't think it was that bad. Their porridge was pretty filling.
mince
Then from now on, I won't trust a single compliment from you about my cooking.
(Oriana approaches.)
oriana
I hardly believed we could face another of these and live, considering how much it took to bring down the last one.
ellerie
As much as I'd love to say it was tactics and skill that won us the day, it all came down to being lucky enough to find something that'd hurt it.
oriana
Beautiful, isn't it? This is the fate of the bloodline blessed by the gods.
ellerie
(Thank Elis she didn't hear our conversation from earlier.)
mince
(Dodged an arrow there, Mince.)
ellerie
And to think those of the bloodline used to be revered as demigods.
oriana
Many of these engravings show the shape of a majestic and mighty being.
I wonder if it's the demise of their divine patron that twisted their current forms.
ellerie
It's already unlucky to be afflicted with a curse from birth, then the Sect jumped in.
oriana
Tower's a good man, but the rest of them can rot.
mince
Maybe this unfortunate fellow used to be some kind of great hero, even a king.
I wonder if they were trapped in their body, or simply unconscious.
oriana
I don't dare consider.
ellerie
Maybe they could make one last contribution to humanity.
Is the corpse of any use?
oriana
Only Elis knows. I am willing to try any possible lead.
mince
If you need someone to help cut something up, I'm your man.
oriana
I'm glad for your help. I doubt you want to stay for this, Captain. It won't be pretty.
ellerie
Then I'll gladly make myself scarce and check on the others.
(Pomelo rushes over, shoving Mince out of the way.)
pomelo
Oriana, Captain, there's trouble! We need you now!
mince
Oof! Amazed you even manage to shove me with all this armor.
pomelo
Sorry, Mince, this is an emergency!
oriana
Is there another powerful group of monsters heading our way?
pomelo
Worse. Tower and Lindros look like they're gonna throw down. I can't stop them.
oriana
I figured this was going to happen sooner or later. Where are they?
ellerie
You have more important matters to deal with.
It's nothing the good Captain can't sort out.
oriana
If you're sure, that'd be appreciated.
pomelo
Then let's go!
lindros
You can't take this from me, Tower. Years of my work built up to this.
tower
I take no delight in this. But the knowledge of how to create these monsters must not be returned to the surface.
lindros
Why do you cling so tightly to the Sect's tenets? You're no longer part of them.
tower
My mistakes are irrelevant to my belief in their veracity.
lindros
Yet despite your alleged faith, you too used an artifact for your own personal desires. Is it not your duty to dispose of them?
tower
I freely admit my hypocrisy. But if even I, one who served the sect for decades, would be open to such temptation, where does that put everyone else?
The knowledge you carry is far deadlier than any artifact, as the tools of warlords and tyrants, not something that is used up.
lindros
Should we ban fire because it can harm, abolish mining to prevent weapons of war?
We cannot decide how knowledge is used. We shouldn't be held accountable for it!
tower
Perhaps the world was a gentler place at its most simple, without fire, without iron.
But let's look to the present, at the coastal warlords, at the nobles of the Mainland.
These are the people who have the wealth to benefit from the creation of monsters.
lindros
I recognise that they would be used as instruments of war. But wars do not last.
What does last is advancement.
People will recognise the utility of their labor, for agriculture, for limitless purposes.
tower
It's not that simple.
By allowing rulers to unleash soulless automatons rather than living beings as their enforcers, you may open the world to dynasties of tyrants who can no longer be challenged by their people. Gods by other means.
(Pomelo and Ellerie rush over.)
pomelo
Thank Elis they haven't come to blows yet.
lindros
That's only out of respect for you, Tower. I wouldn't have held back for anyone else.
tower
Do you understand the situation, Captain?
ellerie
Pomelo filled me in on the way here. You're arguing over Lindros's notes.
tower
I've destroyed the original inscriptions. These notes are all that remain.
lindros
Even if you do destroy them, I can seek out more ruins.
tower
Perhaps you may find them. Perhaps they've all been lost to time. Perhaps you won't survive to make another discovery.
But none of that matters to the present.
Captain, you were in the Royal Court for years. You surely understand such knowledge getting out would only cause destruction.
lindros
The Sect presents an unreasonable stance on any knowledge from the old world.
You remember how they fought to kill a young girl. Why follow their beliefs?
tower
Lindros makes an unfair representation of the Sect. Those people were fanatics, not the core of what the Sect represents.
ellerie
Enough, I've decided.
(Ellerie grabs Lindros' notes and destroys them.)
lindros
Yo- You- Grahhh! You're all the same, obstacles to my research, to my success!
(Lindros runs off.)
pomelo
Lindros, wait!
You're not worthy to be called Captain, Captain.
This isn't over.
(Pomelo runs after Lindros.)
tower
What you did was the right thing, but I did not wish for it to end like this.
It is my fault that you've alienated two of the crew, and at such a trying time.
ellerie
How else could it have been resolved?
There were only two outcomes. Would you have backed down?
tower
No, I would have cut them down if it came to it. But it did not come to it, thankfully.
ellerie
(And if I had sided with them...)
tower
... You should go after them. We can't be having divides when we're in such danger, they surely recognise that.
If you need to compensate them to come to an agreement, I will do all I can to help.
ellerie
I will do my best.
(Ellerie runs after Pomelo and Lindros, finding them on the next floor.)
lindros
What do you want? Besides a fireball to the face, because that I can give you.
ellerie
I have a peace offering to make.
lindros
I have no need for whatever comes out of your hands. Get out of my sight.
pomelo
Lindy, you might want to listen to her.
ellerie
How about this?
lindros
Are those-
ellerie
A good bit of sleight of hand.
Sadly, the Seahawk's inventory and wages accounts has been shredded and burnt.
lindros
These are my notes. They're all here. I think I'm having an emotional whiplash.
ellerie
Did you think I would have sided with him? Us “youngsters” got to stick together.
lindros
(smiles) Captain, thank you. That saves me so much trouble.
ellerie
(Oh, you have no idea.)
pomelo
Sorry for putting you through that, Lindy, but the Captain came up with the plan as we ran here and we couldn't tell you.
lindros
(serious) In retrospect, you did react conveniently slowly.
ellerie
It could have gone so badly, but Pomelo assured me that you were a wimp.
That was barely a struggle. Gave me all the space I needed to make the switch.
lindros
For the first time, I'm supposed to be grateful for my physical ineptitude?
pomelo
We need to keep up the pretense of hostility a bit longer if we don't want Tower to suspect anything.
lindros
(smiles) Right. If you want us to remain in the crew, I demand double the weekly wage, and a flat amount on the spot.
ellerie
(smiles) Conveniently, the wages account was accidentally lost in battle.

Maple Inn

(Blaine, Halyna, Corkius, a pirate, and a Sect disciple sit at a table.)
letter
Dear Adventurer,

It has come to my attention that you have come afoul of a certain miscreant named Ellerie and her lackeys.
I wish to offer you the greatest sympathy for this encounter, for I know well of her savagery and wickedness.
I am writing to many such as yourself so that we can band together and end this blight upon the world.
Of course, I am not coming to you empty-handed. Attached to this letter is a small amount of compensation,
and I shall offer much greater reward if you are to join us in this noble quest.

Signed,
Maurice

halyna
...
blaine
...
ozie
...
foreman
So. We're among friends here, aren't we? Lighten up a little.
What's gotten everyone here?
halyna
You already know the answer. We all got one of those letters.
ozie
The Seahawks harbor a creature that must be destroyed under Elis's edicts.
It is my duty to Elis and the Crescent, as well as avenging my fellow disciples.
halyna
I know too well what you refer to. It utterly destroyed my old crew.
I would have died trying to stop them, if not for the Sect's healers.
ozie
Then we share even more of a common purpose than we thought.
What about our blindfolded friend?
blaine
Vengeance.
(Blaine leaves.)
halyna
That was descriptive.
foreman
We get one of those types every once in a while.
halyna
You brought this up, yet you haven't disclosed anything.
foreman
I was getting to it. I'm from Albatross Point, you see-
ozie
You're one of those Albatross pirates? I refuse to work with such scum.
foreman
Don't jump to conclusions. More than just pirates live on Albatross Point,
I'm just a humble breadmaker.
ozie
I shouldn't have assumed from appearances.
halyna
I'm certain you have the look of the average baker.
foreman
While the Seahawks passed there, they murdered my dear old dad and my poor son in one fell swoop.
ozie
Of course the Seahawks would engage in such depravity. Elis will treat your family well.
halyna
Yet you don't sound at all upset about that.
foreman
I was tired of my old man begging me for coins and Dirk was my least favorite son.
But I got a reputation to uphold that needs to be signed in blood.
halyna
Not a pirate, right. Anyone know this battered dog?
ozie
No clue.
(Maurice approaches.)
maurice
Glad everyone is getting along. Sorry for being late. I had an unscheduled meeting.
ozie
We came a long way for this. It better be worth our time.
maurice
Of course. But my compensation is far more than gold. I'm sure you all recognize this.
foreman
Some kinda fancy emblem? Doesn't seem worth much.
halyna
It's not an adventuring company insignia I'm familiar with.
ozie
You fools, that's the seal of the royal family!
foreman
Huh, you saying he's some kind of Prince?
maurice
(Thank goodness one person here wasn't a complete bumpkin.)
No, it means I'm working on behalf of the royal family.
That means there's a lot I can do for you beyond mere coin.
ozie
Can you get me a transfer away from this backwater place to a church in the capital?
maurice
My pull with the Sect is limited, but I'm certain that is within my power.
foreman
So much for upholding the Sect's tenets. I have no such ambitions,
I deal in hard gold. At least twenty thousand.
halyna
Negotiating the blood money of his father and son. How callous.
foreman
I don't pretend to have higher ideals. As if you aren't here for the gold.
halyna
I need no reward, only the promise of the Seahawks' destruction.
maurice
Now is no time for conflict. Your reward is negotiable, but don't forget, this is on the condition that Ellerie is absolutely dead. Now here is my plan.

Character Descriptions

John
A puppet of Lindros's creation. Poorly made, but it's the intent that counts!

Chixin
NON-AUTHORISED ACCESS TO UNIT DATABASE DETECTED.
INITIATE RESPONSE: Screw off.

The Keeper
What does it eat down here to keep itself alive? That thing is massive.

Sun Shooter
Mince would probably love this suit of magic plate mail, if it wasn't haunted.

Defender
Eternal guardians of the Workshop, protecting it from possible infestations of the adventurer kind.

Lesser Keeper
If this is the “lesser” keeper, I don't look forward to the “greater” keeper.

Torchbearer
Marginally more threatening undead that we need to bring down to improve our odds of surviving today.

???
Unfortunately, a book is still very capable of hurting us.

Illusion
If it can kill us, is it really an illusion?

???
A whole airship.